Lessons From Whistleblowing

What I learned --and what I lost--from a multi-year ordeal

It’s been a year since I tweeted about being assaulted by Alejandro Ramirez. The post went viral and changed my life. Within 48 hours, several other women alleged to me that they’d also experienced abuse or harassment by Ramirez. Thanks to a bombshell WSJ article¹, How Sexual Assault Allegations Against a U.S. Chess Grandmaster Went Unaddressed for Years, and eight brave women, including three who were Under 18 at the time of the alleged abuse, my concerns were corroborated. Alejandro resigned from the STL Chess Club, SLU, and US Chess after receiving a list of questions from the Journal. ² 

The change went beyond one person. More women are speaking out about abuse and violence in chess from WIM Sabrina Chevannes to a group of French chessplayers led by WIM Yosha Iglesias. They wrote an open letter signed by over 100 women including GM Susan Polgar. Lichess posted an in-depth piece Breaking the Silence, leading to another Grandmaster facing consequences. The Women in Chess Foundation was founded, and federations across the world, including France and Norway announced or strengthened policies against abuse and harassment. The STL Chess Club apologized for not acting sooner and announced a slate of new policies. A New Jersey chess team wrote about the need for leadership change. Dozens of women and men too came to confide in me about abuse or harassment they experienced in chess, and many took action. ³

I am grateful to all the writers who covered this story.

Through all this, I learned a lot about myself, about METOO, and about whistleblowing.

1.      The Importance of Pattern Recognition:

From criticizing my decision to go public to sending me a cease and desist, I wish I’d noticed the pattern of hostility and disrespect earlier.

When someone shows you who they are, listen the first time.

This Maya Angelou quote applies to so many situations, including this ordeal.

I was let down so many times in my journey before, during and after going public about Ramirez. First Alejandro was allowed, and even appointed⁴ by US Chess to coach women’s teams despite knowing about his alleged misconduct.

Then my tweet–the one that inspired so many other women to speak out--was criticized. I received multiple warnings and demands⁵ from lawyers repping US Chess. After I quit, The US Chess President attempted to publicly discredit me in a social media outburst, even on points that were in writing-and verified by publications like the WSJ.⁶

So many communications on the topic were confusing and upsetting, and sometimes infuriating. But now that I’ve had the space to zoom out, I see more than a disconnected series of bad decisions. I see a pattern.

When people tell you who you are and you don’t listen the first time, at least listen the second time. Or the third time.   

US Chess has yet to apologize or retract their legal demands. But there are some signs of change. The Executive Director in charge during the Ramirez complaints and aftermath stepped down. US Chess announced improved policies to prevent abuse + harassment. I hope the pattern continues.

2.      The Polarization

I lost countless friends and opportunities.

Before 2021, I was busy working within the chess world from hosting to commentary to leading US Chess Women.  Fast forward a multi-year whistleblowing saga and everything has changed, with me on the outside.   

We’ve heard this story many times before: women who speak out may be momentarily celebrated (though even that is hardly automatic), but don’t fare well long-term.

Despite all that, I was able to blow the whistle due to several privileges.

• supportive family

• safety net

• careers outside chess: books/speaking and poker

• good health thus far (knock wood)

• a bent toward workaholicism

• a solid reputation built over decades, allowing me to withstand smear attempts.

The lack of universal healthcare and early childcare are disastrous for whistleblowers. So many people have to hold on in situations that are unsustainable or corrupt due to fear of death. Literally.

As this 2022 WSJ essay recounts, I wanted more kids, and it would have made my life even harder throughout this ordeal if I’d gotten what I want. At least I learned the joy and horror of “You’ll find out who your real friends are.”

Indeed, there is only one person who lost more opportunities, friends and colleagues from this than I have: Alejandro Ramirez. 

As writer and speaker Tom Mueller points out in his excellent TED talk there’s a disconnect between our public views on whistleblowers (celebrated) and our private views (hated.)

3.   Reporting Was a Nightmare

After warning US Chess about Alejandro Ramirez multiple times in 2020-2022, I filed a Safe Play Report. The ramifications of speaking out included attacks on my credibility, legal threats and job loss.

Every report I gave was emotionally draining and scary, as I spent hours by my computer before mustering the courage to click “Send.”

In particular, this process with US Chess was fraught.

When I explained in an email that I’d been attacked, and that Ramirez should not coach the 2022 Women’s Olympic team, I thought he’d be pulled. I’d already informed US Chess about serious allegations of misconduct by Alejandro, which caused US Chess to “(stop) engaging Mr. Ramirez in any capacity where he would come into contact with minors.” But my reminder and additional revelation didn’t move the needle. Imagine how I felt. Women’s Olympic team coach was a contract position that plenty of other players were eligible for. But now my word and other warnings they received about Alejandro, were not enough to….appoint a different Grandmaster as coach? I was on the first US Women’s Olympic team ever that earned medals. I hope for more in our future. But now I was humiliated.

My Silver Olympic Medal

When I asked for more info about filing a “Safe Play Form”, I got a confusing response ⁷. Unsure about which allegations would apply, and with my trust totally broken⁸ , I submitted it anyway.

When I went public with my tweet in February 2023, Ramirez stopped working with women and girls. Finally, something concrete. Then I got an email from a lawyer that posts like my tweet may jeopardize the US Chess investigation.

Despite participating fully, as well as connecting others to take part, I never saw the investigative report US Chess paid for, and instead was surprised by a meeting and an already released PR with the conclusion that US Chess’s responses were “timely and appropriate”⁹. I assumed I’d be looped in throughout, as a victim, with a vast knowledge of facts on the case. An independent investigation can be confusing to laypeople when it’s paid for by a client with attorney/client privilege. Now when I see third party investigations cited in other stories, I ask myself: who’s paying and who’s the point of contact?

When I tried to express some of my concerns on this, other cases and general advocacy for survivors, I felt badgered, interrupted or minimized. Instead of thanks and support, I was treated to hostility and attacks on my credibility by multiple board members, such as: “(if) you were one of the ones he abused, wasn’t it on you to step up¹⁰?”

Sometimes, I felt a sort of satisfied mania, from knowing I was in the right. It could last a few hours, even a day, even longer when the community spoke on my behalf¹¹. But then came the downswing, of feeling betrayed, isolated, and confused that so many people were against me. The turmoil took a toll on my confidence and led to me leaving a program I founded, a job I loved. Two big parts of my work were fundraising and mentoring girls and women: how could I continue after everything I’d seen and experienced?

The legal threats I got from US Chess included a demand which would limit my work in chess. After all the women who came to me for support? It was surreal. I had to check over and over that it wasn’t fake.

A lot of people want to move on, because it’s an unpleasant topic. Indeed, a lot people want to move on without Alejandro in chess, but without me too. #METOO. I am compelled to fight for accountability, not just for me, but for anyone who is afraid to report because they worry that even if proven correct, the endgame won’t be vindication. It will be becoming collateral damage. One chess mom echoed this when reaching out to US Chess: she was particularly concerned about the message it sent her daughter that I was punished for speaking up.

Women who have their careers bludgeoned and reputations smeared should not be expected to suck it up and move on, as if it’s for the greater good. I will call out such misogyny till I get an apology, because I deserve much better than attacks on my career and reputation for doing the right thing. At some point, standing up for myself became a moral imperative.

4.      All Genders Showed Support:

I got a lot of support from the public, and from all genders and walks of life.

Throughout this saga, I got support and backlash alike from both men and women. One caveat: every transgender or non binary person I know supported me. Women definitely took the bravest actions in speaking out. But when it came to the demographics of those who supported me, and those who contributed to campaigns to discredit and threaten me, men and women were represented in both groups. Some people I’ve shared this with were sad that women weren’t always supportive, but I see it the other way: everyone is capable of doing the right thing. In chess, where we still have a highly imbalanced gender ratio, it’s particularly essential that men step up too.

5.  Persistence and Purpose:

I have been working on this for over three years

This is a very long fight, which started with confronting Alejandro himself in October 2020, and went on to span so many reports, meetings and interviews.

Support at any stage was welcome: Don’t do nothing because you can’t do everything¹². As for me, I often needed a break. But I always picked it back up because just as in chess, just as in writing, the moment you feel like giving up is often the moment where you’re finally about to make progress.

While meditating last fall I had a revelation. I had been abandoned by so many people I worked with over the past 10+ years. This comforting voice, that seemed to come not from within me, but from the outside, told me that the truth was worth it.

6.  We Must Fight for Truth—and for Investigative Journalism:

Journalists for the Wall Street Journal, chess dot com, lichess and the Post Dispatch all contributed to bringing truth to light.

Stories about abuse and sexual violence are often broken in the media, which we saw play out in both the WSJ article, and the lichess follow-up. But this was not my first run-in with the importance of media in helping to uncover abuse in chess: Julie Shaw for the Philadelphia Inquirer, in 2018, broke a two part story about allegations of misconduct from my own high school chess coach. I was not a victim in this case (the allegations in the Inquirer all appeared to come from boys), though I was of course deeply saddened and angered by it. I suspect it’s one of the things that’s been subconsciously driving me.

Survivors who aren’t ready yet to go public or to speak to law enforcement can contribute as anonymous sources, allowing information to reach the public. This often inspires survivors to take further action and more accusers to come forward, leading to consequences, and further investigations. The movie She Said shows how this played out in the case of Harvey Weinstein.

But the legacy media industry is under severe threat--as evidenced by recent mass layoffs. That threat to journalism is a threat to us all.

Conclusion: Whistleblowing is not for the faint of heart, and in my case, required privilege, mental stamina, influential friends and journalists. The price included job loss, violent threats, severed relationships, legal costs to defend against a cease and desist, and both covert and direct attacks on my credibility. The cost is too high to wish on anyone. Institutions must build systems to funnel truth to power.

Woe is the World that needs a whistleblower¹³.

1. https://archive.is/H9Hv9 by Andrew Beaton & Joshua Robinson

2. These resignations were later followed by bans by US Chess and the STL Chess Club.   

3. I believe that many of these changes and revelations were inevitable, but they played it out in blitz speed in 2023.

4. According to US Chess in March 2023: “allegations were made to US Chess in 2020.”- https://new.uschess.org/news/us-chess-statement-misconduct-allegations

From the WSJ: “In 2021, the club and U.S. Chess were informed of allegations against Mr. Ramirez, including the abuse of a 15-year-old, according to interviews and documents reviewed by The Journal.” See full post: https://www.wsj.com/articles/alejandro-ramirez-jennifer-shahade-chess-allegations-622263b8

Another woman, who submitted a complaint to US Chess, told lichess: “No effort was made by US Chess to ensure my safety during (an) event, where several US Chess officials and representatives (and Ramirez) were present. After my interview, I was told that the information would be reviewed at the next board meeting, and I would be informed of the results. I never heard back. During this time, Ramirez was allowed to participate in US Chess events and coach various female-only teams. Only when Jennifer Shahade raised the issue publicly several months later did anything concrete happen." full lichess post.

5. One legal letter demanded I cease contact with US Chess youth members—a peculiar request considering I became a confidante for many women, and inspired many to take action. This could appear antagonistic to those who come forward. This is why it’s so essential that an apology and full retraction be issued.

6. In this outburst, he also hinted at doxing a complainant. He later said he was sorry “for including me in the discussion.”   

7. I got an email that the form applied to US Chess National Events but not necessarily to National Events run by other organizers, (let alone things like camps or chess parties or other tournaments.) The guidelines were revised multiple times since, and now have a clearer and wider scope.

8. Receipt of two Safe Play Forms in Sept 2022 seemed to be used as a starting point, while US Chess’s March 2023 statement says “allegations were made to US Chess in 2020”, after which they stopped engaging him in “contexts where he’d interact with minors.” Warnings from me and at least one other person came in 2020, 2021 and 2022 (potentially going back even further according to the WSJ).

9. The PR clarified the focus of their investigation, “US Chess launched an investigation in late 2022 when it received formal complaints from two individuals alleging sexual misconduct by GM Alejandro Ramirez. The primary focus of this investigation was to determine when US Chess had knowledge of the various allegations and what responsive actions US Chess took.”

10. Words by the US Chess President at the time of his social media outburst. That episode was traumatic but also eye-opening: I sensed so much hostility but this gave me a glimpse at what might be being said.

11. There were countless other examples of people who spoke up on my behalf, many of which you can find on this thread. I’m grateful for each one, many of which came from influencers outside chess.

12. This reminds me of another famous phrase, “You Can Do Anything, But You Can’t Do Everything” which I first heard from Alexandra Botez.

13. This is a twist on a quote I first learned of on author Alfie Kohn’s feed, who advised: “Rather than having kids write about their heroes, teachers could ask them to reflect on Brecht's remark: ‘Unhappy is the land that needs a hero.’'"